- In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
- In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
- In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
- In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
- In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
- In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily.
- In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
- In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
- In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursdays.
- In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
- On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
- On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
- Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
- In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
- Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.
- In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
- From the Soviet Weekly:
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
- In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
- In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
- In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
- In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
- Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?
- In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today - no ice cream. (kein Eis?)
- In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
- In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
- In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
- On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
- In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
- In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
- In the office of a Rome doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
- In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
- In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.
- In a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
- In a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
- Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well talking.
- Here speeching American.
- On a Malaga freeway:
Locals for sale or rent. (thanks to O.B.)
- In a hotel in Bruges:
Bathroom light operates with motion sensor. Turns off approx. 15 minutes after last registered motion. (thanks to O.P.)
- On a Bulgarian web site:
You may visit this webpage, only if you are logged in or it is unavailable. (thanks to A.M.)
- In an East African newspaper:
A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
- In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages.
- Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:
Stop: Drive Sideways.